How to say happy birthday without being cringe

Table of Contents

• Overview
• Introduction
• Why does it feel so awkward?
• Why do I find it easy?
• I can hear you telling me not care but how am I supposed to do it?
• The specifics – how should I actually behave?
• What should I actually say?
• Isn’t giving them a present even harder?
• Summary

Overview

If you want a simple answer, here it is: just talk normally like you would any other time and don’t use any weird words that you wouldn’t usually use. Don’t forget to give them some sort of friendly eye-contact and at least hint at a smile, don’t stare at the floor and mumble like a freak. If you want more detail than that, read on…

Introduction

Yes it’s true, it is hard to do; we all have the same problem. For some reason when it comes to wishing someone happy birthday we sort of freeze up and forget how to behave like a normal human. Usually we’d just open our mouths and stuff falls out, but somehow this basic ability is lost when we approach this situation.

I think it’s because when we do this there’s a bit of an audience which makes us self-conscious, which in turn makes us more likely to say something stupid so we become even more self-conscious and before long we’re in some sort of spiral of anxiety that makes us completely forget how to be normal.

We’ve all been there, we see someone else do it and they somehow manage to do it without looking like an idiot so we have plenty of examples to follow but for some reason when it comes down to doing it ourselves it seems impossible.

In this article I’ll try my best to explain how I manage to pull off this simple task with ease every time.

Why does it feel so awkward?

I think part of the problem is that they’re expecting us to say something; everyone knows what we’re going there for so whatever happens will be watched by several pairs of eyes.

This rarely happens in normal life; most of the time people aren’t paying attention to us so we just go about our business being normal humans.

Also, there’s the fact that they know exactly what’s coming which makes things worse; I mean, imagine if everyone was watching you while you were saying hello or goodbye; these are words that have no real meaning most of the time but they still manage to come out naturally without thinking.

I suppose another factor is that usually when you say ‘happy birthday’ you’re not really saying anything; I mean yes they know what those words mean but what are you actually trying to communicate? Not much really; just a simple greeting with no real meaning or intention.

Why do I find it easy?

I’m lucky enough to not feel intimidated by situations like this, and I think that’s because I don’t really care if people think badly of me; as long as I don’t make myself look silly then everything else doesn’t matter.

I know this isn’t something that you can fix overnight but if you can try your best not to care then the whole thing will be less scary which increases your chances of being able speak normally like a human should.

I can hear you telling me not care but how am I supposed to do it?

I get your point; if someone told me not care about people watching me I’d probably ask the same question. The thing is though if you actually think about what happens if you say something stupid then what’s the worst that can happen? Maybe they’ll laugh at you for a minute or two and maybe talk about it after for an hour or two. That doesn’t sound like much does it? And even if they do keep talking about your weird behaviour for longer than that then whatever, they’ll get bored eventually.

The thing is though in reality nobody will make fun of you anyway because they know very well how hard it is; remember everyone has been there themselves so they’ll be feeling sorry for you more than anything else.

The specifics – how should I actually behave?

This bit’s easy really – just watch other people doing it (the ones who do it well) and copy them! If they can do something as simple as walking up to someone and saying those words then why can’t you? You have just as many legs and arms as them (probably), just as many words in your vocabulary (probably), just as much experience using language (also probably) so there’s no reason why you can’t just copy them exactly.

What should I actually say?

You could go with ‘happy birthday’ which seems pretty standard and accepted by most people. Or maybe ‘congratulations on surviving another year’, or ‘well done on getting older’, or ‘how does it feel knowing that death is getting closer every day?’ – these are all good options. The most important thing though is that whatever words come out are delivered in a way that feels natural, almost as if those words accidentally fell out without thinking about them first.

Isn’t giving them a present even harder?

If anything yes this is harder than simply uttering those dumb words because now you’re giving them something physical too. The only advice I can give here really is again watch other people doing it (the ones who do it well) and copy them. The good thing here though is that giving someone an object feels slightly less intimate than giving them some sort of weird message… maybe.

Summary

• Saying happy birthday feels hard because everyone’s watching.
• The best way around this is not care about people watching which sounds simple but might take practice.
• If anyone does make fun of you (which they won’t), nothing bad will happen anyway so who cares?
• If nothing else watch someone else doing it properly and copy them exactly – probably nobody will notice anyway!