Right, so you want to give a truly insulting birthday card?
The way I think about it, there are two types of insults.
One when you genuinely want to make someone feel personally and deeply saddened. You want to dig all of the way into the most intimate and delicate part of their sense of identity and ridicule it. Not only so they lose all self-confidence, but everyone around them as an utter gimboid, not worthy to be pissed on if they were on fire.
Or maybe it’s the other sort of insulting when it’s a mate, and you just want a little harmless banter.
These things are quite different.
Honestly I don’t sell anything that is truly insulting as I think (nearly) all of us are human and deserve a little respect.
That is with the exception of cunts of course. Cunts deserve nothing but contempt.
Seriously though the most insulting birthday cards we sell are probably the dickhead or cunt face ones, or maybe the why is it I forget birthday card. Only you can judge whether that counts as being insulting or not!
How do you want to insult them?
The most common way to insult someone on their birthday is to make some sort of reference to their age.
We have a couple of birthday cards that offer this sort of classic insult. For her, we have the set them free card, and for him the that’s you card. Even though they idea has been done before, they’re unique and really funny, have a look at them. I especially like that on the women’s one you can see just the tips of her flaps dangling into the shot; I was very proud of myself when I drew those. I even managed to make them look dry and crispy!
Or you can just suggest that they’re not very good without being specific, a card which does this pretty well is the vaginal discharge one. It subtly suggests that the individual hasn’t made much of an improvement on themselves since they were born.
Or maybe the person you want to insult is your partner, in which case, this is easy – you can just make a reference to how stinky their farts are. Be aware though that this won’t work on everyone – if anyone compliments me… I mean comments on my farts, I can’t help but feel very proud of myself. If this idea is for you, try the wind birthday card.
And maybe an insulting gift as well?
Yep, there are a number of insulting gifts you can try too, one of the most popular and also the cheapest is the Antiwankodol or Sudachillodol pill boxes. They don’t come with actual tablets as I’d have to get a special licence to sell them, but I do suggest some sweets that look just like painkillers.
Or you could go for a more obvious option and simply buy them the don’t be a cunt candle – a nice simple choice that needs no introduction.
